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If you are not new here, you may have noticed that the website looks a little different. I have removed everything but my blog posts. Sticker pages, links to old stories, store pages. These items will most likely remain gone. There’s a reason behind it.

I have tried a number of times to write this post, whatever it turns out to be. But let’s try one last time.

I was recently accepted into a program that will help me get back into teaching, and hopefully a teaching job by August 2024.

Because I want this so very much, not only have I already put in my notice to my day job, but I am willing to give up several things I have in my life, including blogging, videos, TT, and sticker creation.

Now, is it necessary? Probably not. Well, quitting my day job, yes. But all that other stuff, no not really. Because I don’t do anything with those pages that could be deemed inappropriate for a potential educator, at least I don’t think.

I am in the midst of curating all of my social media, and getting rid of a significant amount of it. This is mostly because I need to simplify my life and all the balls I have in the air.

Admittedly, most of those balls have lost the war with gravity and have drifted down a river to nowhere. Because I have managed to let the website go, I haven’t posted here with anything significant in a long time, I haven’t created a new sticker in a while, and fiction is a thing of the past already.

But I need less to worry about over the coming months, and getting rid of or paring down these things is the best and simplest way to do that.

Now, does it absolutely pain me to think of letting all this go? Yes. Does it make me sad that this all may no longer be a part of my life? Absolutely. Does it scare me that I do not have a guarenteed job waiting for me on the other end of this? More than you will ever know.

But does even the most remote, minute possibility of having my dream job make all this worth it? A million times yes.

If you’ve know me or have read my blog even a little, then you will know that I’ve wanted to teach basically my whole life. I have a degree in education that has done nothing but gather dust for over a decade. And I had honestly reached the point where I thought, no, wholeheartedly believed that it would never be a possibility for me.

Until now.

Now, I still have a little bit of imposter syndrome. Like, how can I be good enough? Or why would any school want to hire me, above much younger candidates? Or am I making the biggest mistake of my life?

There is no way to know the answers to those questions without trying. And honestly I thought I would know once I failed the Praxis. But gosh darn it, I passed it. Now here I am, in the midst of hours long online training, eleven days left at my day job of fifteen years, and still no sign that I am making the biggest mistake of my life.

It wouldn’t be the biggest mistake of my life because of the job, but because I might not have one at the end of it. Taking a risk without a guaranteed positive outcome for me.

Honestly if I think about it too hard I get more scared, more unsure of myself, and more afraid. And I don’t want to be. I want to be confident and sure and brave. I want to walk into this whole thing knowing I am doing the right thing. My whole life is riding on this being the right thing. This thing that is leading me in the direction of my dreams is the right thing.

At least I hope so.

So, if you choose to stick around, with nothing left here but the ramblings of a silly stranger, with the occasional silliness thrown in here, then welcome to my controlled (mostly) chaos.

I might leave some stuff lingering here. I might not. We shall see what unfolds.

Goodnight Friends. And as always…

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im gonna be a teacher 🙂

Question of the Day

Tags

crash landing, crashdlanding, dailyprompt, dailyprompt-1927, non-fiction, Politics, Question of the Day

Do you vote in political elections?

NNNNOOOOOO

COMMENT

I long long time ago, in a blog post far away, I said that politics is one thing I will not comment on.

It’s the same as religion (although I have commented on that). It’s polarizing and complicated and everyone has their own opinions.

While I choose to judge others not on the color of their party but on the content of their character (and how they treat children and animals). I will not comment nor go into great detail about what color my party flag flies.

While stating a political opinion to the positive or negative might get me attention, it’s likely to lead down a path I would prefer not to travel.

K bye!

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Question of the Day

Tags

dailyprompt, dailyprompt-1919

When is the last time you took a risk? How did it work out?

Biggest risk of my entire adult life.

But it’s still brewing so I’ll let you know in about three months.

Question of the Day

Tags

crash landing, crashdlanding, dailyprompt, dailyprompt-1875, non-fiction, Question of the Day

Are you superstitious?

I try not to be. But…

If something good happens to me I automatically assume something is going to go horribly wrong.

And I assume that if that something good happens and I don’t start thinking of all the ways it could go wrong then it will definitely go horribly wrong.

When something, even the most minuscule, insignificant thing about my routine changes I assume the rest of the day will go wrong. Even though I have zero proof.

I heard once that if you are mean to a crow they remember and will take vengeance, and also tell their buddies and pass that knowledge down to their offspring. So if I see a crow, whether it be near me or not, I try not to look it in the eye and avoid hitting it if it’s in the road (I avoid hitting it anyway because doing so is mean). Because they remember faces.

Creepy.

I don’t believe black cats are bad luck but try to wish them well when they cross my path. Cats aren’t evil. Being worshiped in ancient times by Egyptians just gave them an ego.

Also, if I’m waiting on or hoping for some good news of some sort and I assume it’s going to work positively for me then I’m just gonna be wrong. So I try to be neutral or negative. Negative in a positive way. Like, “I’m not gonna get it, but that’s okay.”

And I try to always tell The Kid to have a “super amazing awesome wonderful fantastic day” at school every day I’m off work and watch her and her dad drive off because if I don’t and she has a bad day, it’s my fault.

I also kiss her goodbye every morning, whether she’s asleep or awake because she won’t have a good day if I don’t. She just won’t.

Everyone has little things they do that they don’t realize they do them for a reason and not because they just have to.

Oh and I almost forgot. If I see a penny that’s heads up, I pick it up. If I see it at work, I pick it up and put it somewhere else, so someone else has good luck. Because I’m paranoid that someone is gonna assume I’m stealing. And no matter where I am if I see a penny and it’s heads down I flip it over for the next guy. Spread the luck.

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See a penny pick it up. All day long you’ll have good luck.

Question of the Day

Tags

crash landing, crashdlanding, dailyprompt, dailyprompt-1844, non-fiction, Question of the Day

You get some great, amazingly fantastic news. What’s the first thing you do?

If I were to get some great, amazingly fantastic news, what would be the first thing I would do?

Seriously.

The first thing I would do would be to panic. I rarely get good news of such magnitude. Generally good news comes with bad news which is required to balance out the universe. I’ll panic because I won’t initially know what to do with myself, and then I would assume that something bad was also about to happen (that is usually my truck developing some new stressful issue).

The second thing I would do would be to promptly post panic contact my spouse. The Hubs is the first person I would want to tell. The original first person is on a different plane of existence now and she’d already know.

I would probably end up texting my husband but only because it’s easier and I hate phone calls. But hearing his voice excited for me would help dispel any lingering panic.

Next steps would all include wondering what happens next, who else should I tell, and “what am I gonna do with all these limes?”

This is probably the most accurate description of how I would feel.

The thing is, I’m sitting here writing this and I’m thinking about a thing that could be good news and I cannot help but wonder what would be the first way to avoid the stress of what would happen if I get good news.

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Doing My Duty

Tags

crash landing, crashdlanding, duty, images, jury duty, non-fiction, so long as no one gets hurt., stay in school kids, victimless crimes

Tomorrow I report for my initial jury duty meeting. Orientation? Jury Draft Day? I don’t know.

It’s funny how many people told me “you could just throw the paper away they’d never know you actually got it.” And I always told them, “no but I wanna go, it’ll be interesting!” In reality I’m so afraid of unintentionally breaking the law that I think it’s physically impossible to break it, seriously, on purpose.

By seriously I mean, break a law that might result in jail time.

Listen I know all those “do crimes” memes are funny, but for real: don’t.

Is the raccoon encouraging miscreant behavior or is the person?

But really, I listen to enough true crime podcasts to think it might be interesting to sit on an actual trial.

Not anything where children or animals were harmed but maybe Jimmy and Francine got a little too tipsy on that porch pop and they thought their neighbor Bill’s old dodge with the bed removed would do sweet donuts in the for sale grocery store parking lot.

So they borrowed it without telling and accidentally drove up a telephone pole. They had to jump about six feet down and ran off. They got caught about a quarter mile away when they tried to go in the gas station without shoes.

How tho?

Bill didn’t even wanna press charges on the truck theft. He was just impressed about the telephone pole. And no one got hurt except the phone company’s bottom line with the outage.

Listen that’s all fiction but would that NOT make the funniest trial?

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In reality, based on my little knowledge on the subject, I assume the bed being removed would make 360s (or donuts) in a parking lot more difficult. Thoughts?

Twenty Years Ago

Tags

crash landing, crashdlanding, non-fiction

Twenty years ago, I was starting the second semester of my freshman year of college. I was a quiet, shy, little bit lonely kid. I didn’t have many friends, and barely spoke up in public situations.

And I had zero expectations that I wouldn’t become the teacher I was going to college to become. In fact it never once occurred to me that I wouldn’t be a teacher, writing on the weekend and summers. The irony is that it had occurred to me that I would never find someone to love me, to marry me. Someone to have children with.

I had planned it all out. I would graduate, get a teaching job, and eventually adopt a child. I would turn thirty and have a ceremony celebrating myself. I even had the ambition to go back to school and get the required certification to become a principal or even a professor. And my free time when I wasn’t teaching or learning? I’d be a writer. I’d be doing two things I loved. I would be happy.

Twenty years later, here I am, working a retail job where I’m completely replaceable, only valued and appreciated for the work I do right then, at the whim of whatever manager who gets paid four times more than I do, who likely has never done the work I do, making changes to the job and my schedule at the drop of a hat.

I don’t have the energy or the willpower to not only do what I like to do but do what I need to do. My body has suffered from 7-8 hours on my feet on a concrete floor.

I’m too old to just quit my job and try to find something new, I don’t have the motivation to finish or start things I need too. I dread waking up on days I have to go to work.

Wouldn’t it be lovely to travel back in time just to feel the way I felt twenty years ago? The hopefulness, excitement for the future. Planning and preparing for something, dreaming.

Most of the people I work with are young, much younger than me, they have a chance, they still have the energy, they have time. They can move on and move up and leave me in the dust. I am just the scenery along the path to their future. A fellow prisoner of retail, held hostage by a job we all hate. It’s too late for me, but not for them.

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Question of the Day

Tags

bloganuary, bloganuary-2024-30, blogging, complaints, dailyprompt, dailyprompt-1833, let me speak to your manager

What do you complain about the most?

Easy.

This time of year: being cold. If I’m not trying to sleep and cannot wrap my self up in multiple cozy blankets like I’m shipping a vase overseas in bubble wrap I want to be cold. I don’t want to be hot either but I hate being cold with a fiery passion that burns like the heat of the sun.

My body hurts when I’m cold, my hands and feet are the worst, and It takes forever for me to warm back up. My area just barely got out of a cold wave of temps in the teens and snow, and I’m trying to go complain as much about the temps but man it’s hard.

Any other time and sometimes the same time I’m complaining about being cold it’s about my truck.

I purchased the Lemon on Four Wheels almost three years ago and in that amount of time I’ve spent about $1200 just to clear a single code. It’s failed with every dollar. Currently it’s running ok, but I still need to find the coolant/antifreeze leak, and there are still a few codes and lights on I cannot manage nor afford to fix.

It’s been a never ending struggle for me and I will complain about it, with little good, until I can rid myself of it. Just two years left on that loan, baby.

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Would you like a little whine with that cheese?

Let Me Re-Introduce Myself

Tags

about me, blog, blogging, crash landing, crashdlanding, family, fiction, life, Mental Health, non-fiction, writing

Hi. My Name is Crystal.

You can call me Crys, or C. Or whatever. I’ve been called worse.

This is my blog. There is a great deal here more than a blog, there are unfinished stories, there are non-fiction articles, there are depressed ramblings, there are stickers, there is a significant amount of nonsense. And all of it is here simply because it brings me joy.

It is all still here, despite the fact that I have not yet decided if there is a really great reason to keep it or not. There isn’t, except that it brings me joy to have it around, whether I visit the dusty old attic of this blog or not. But here I am again, and away we go.

Who am I?

I am many things, or at least that’s what I tell myself. I am a mother, first and foremost. My daughter is the perfection and chaos and stress that I welcome each and every single day. She is the number one reason I am still meandering about on this oddly shaped ball of nonsense we call our home planet.

I also like to pretend I am a writer, an artist of some sort, a crafter, a maker and a creator. I write things and I don’t finish them most of the time, I enjoy creating art in some forms, sometimes. I like to make jewelry with beads and wire and cord and more beads and findings. I design and print stickers. None of the previous endeavors have garnered me any sort of significant income, even if I would totally make it my career if I could.

I am also a college graduate. I have a Bachelor of Arts degree in elementary education. If I had made better decisions in the past I would be teaching now. Well, if we are being technical, I would be sleeping now, considering its 12:25am at the time of writing this. Of all the things that floated around in my noggin as I was growing up, I wanted to be two things the most. A writer and a teacher. Boy, if I could turn back time.

My day job, however, is retail. While I choose not to name my employer, if one cared enough, it wouldn’t be hard to figure it out. However, I try my best to not speak about them in any form on the internet. Things like that can sneak up and bite you.

Likes

When I am not stuck in an endless scroll fest of <short form videos> or depressed, I enjoy a number of things. I like to draw on my iPad using the Procreate app and my handy dandy apple pencil. I like to read, although I’ve been unable to make myself finish more than two books in a few years. Remember that depression thing I mentioned before. I do love to write, but I think I’ve discovered that if it feels like it’s become an obligation, I tend to avoid it. Or ram smack dab into a brick wall that I cannot escape. I also enjoy making and editing videos for the short-form video app and the Tube. But that obligation thing is the reason I have several unfinished videos.

I also love my non-Stanley water cup and my ice maker. I like stickers (even if I didn’t make them). I like Zero bars and almond milk and sweetener with a little coffee in it. I know I would struggle if I didn’t have my apple watch, and my heated faux fur throw is a GAME CHANGER. I also love my off-brand Crocs, sleep, and snacks.

Dislikes

People who are mean to animals and children. Dealing with the public, being sick, migraines, money, adulthood. My stupid truck is stupid too. I hate being cold unless I’m trying to sleep and have several blankets (current count is three). I don’t like talking about the weather (especially snow) unless it’s nice out or I have to avoid it, I don’t like talking about politics unless I know there’s not going to be an argument. I am also not the biggest fan of religion, though I don’t judge people for having one.

My Single Biggest Accomplishment Last Year

The Spite Diet. It sounds dumb but I actually lost about 30 pounds in about a year’s time. It was mostly because I wanted to prove to myself and my doctor that I didn’t need medication in order to do it, and I didn’t. But due to a number of extenuating circumstances, I forgot the diet completely and gained most if not all (I haven’t checked) of my weight back. I blogged about the diet a few times and it got some interest. But that was the only thing that got interest.

But, I guess, if I gained the weight back, it was more of a fail than an accomplishment.

Why am I here?

Like on the blog or just in general?

On the blog? Because I enjoy writing in many forms. I like writing about my life, my happy and my sad, my anger and my glee. I like writing about lesson’s I’ve learned and learning things and sharing them. I like giving advice, not that much of what I’ve dealt with is relatable for other people. Writing it out helps me work it out in my head, no matter what it is. And I like that someone somewhere out there might benefit from what I’m laying down, you know?

As for why I’m here on the planet? Well, my kid is number one. I’m still here because I created her with my body and grew her for nine months and brought her into this world for my heart to bond with and become so violently and gleefully attached to that I would literally commit felonies or even murders for. I am still here because she needs me and will remain so.

As for whether or not I have a purpose outside of motherhood, I know not. I don’t know if there is such a thing for humans as a higher purpose. And if there is I don’t think I will ever know it. And that’s something else about me. I don’t know if I’ll ever know.

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Question of the Day

Tags

bloganuary, bloganuary-2024-06, dailyprompt, dailyprompt-1809

If you had a freeway billboard, what would it say?

When I was in college I had a habit of spending my free time looking at funny pictures on the internet. This was long before I learned that funny pictures on the internet were called “memes”.

One such picture I stumbled upon was this:

Stolen from Snopes.

I kept hold of that image for a long time. But it got lost in the process of numerous computer changes. I’m non-religious, so the fact that I kept it so long, and that I still remember it to this day is something to note.

Also one time, I was being driven somewhere by the hubs, and we passed a digital billboard in our town. I began a conversation with one of our standard conversation starter, “when I’m rich…” and continued. “I want to buy a bill board and put it somewhere it would be seen by numerous people and just put one random word on it. Because I want to make people turn around and look at it and think, “what?””

The word I came up with at random in the moment?

Bucket.

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I need a nap

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