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As human beings we are preprogrammed and hard wired to always want more. It’s in our nature. 

Regardless of how much we have already, there will always be something more. Something we think we need, something just out of reach. Something we can see on the distant horizon that we seek, but no matter how far we stretch, we cannot reach. Yet still we want it. We want more. 

These past few weeks have shown me a great deal about myself, and how much more I want, and how much more I think I deserve. 

The reality is that, no matter how hard I try or how hard I work I may never have what I think I deserve. And what I think I deserve, I probably am not worthy of. At least not in the eyes of those that decide. 

There have been some changes in my workplace recently that have thrown me off balance. My workload has changed–increased–and my mentality has been affected by the stress this has caused. 

Though I’ve worked hard and done everything I’ve been told, it’s still not enough–nothing will ever be enough–for me to be considered worthy of more. And that is the reality I need to force myself to accept. 

Until I get myself out of the place that causes me stress, I will be cursed to settle for the lot I’ve been handed. 

And I don’t see my exit coming up anytime soon. 

-c

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